I was born in Great Lakes, Naval Base, IL, into a military family that was not Christian. We moved to a different port of call each year for 3 1/2 years.
For the first 4 yrs of my life, I witnessed a tremendous amount of anger, hatred, hostility, and resentment between my parents. I witnessed my mother pulling a butcher’s knife on my father claiming she was going to kill him. My parents divorced when I was 4 yrs old. My mother remarried the same year. From the age of 4 to 12 I was being sexually abused by my step-father and a family friend on separate occasions. I was mentally & verbally abused by adult authority figures. There were parties I was subjected to.
At age 8, I felt the LORD tug at my heart. I was invited to Sunday School/Church. Not understanding, I was confused. I was a mean kid and my babysitter had a hard time handling me. I would beat the kids up, being a bully. At 12, my parents decided to move across the country. So, they sold our home and the vehicles. After moving into our new home I told my step-father he had to stop the abuse. He switched from sexual abuse to physical abuse. The abuse from the family friend stopped on its own because of the move. I started attending church. It was an escape from the abusive environment. I was rebellious. I was depressed. At the age of 14, I accepted Christ as my Savior. However, I was still looking for love and validation. I hung out with all kinds of people looking for love. At the age of 16, I became sexually active. I graduated from high school and moved away from home. I found myself pregnant out of wedlock. Then, marrying the father of my child at the age of 18, having my baby at age 19. I was married for 15 years, being mentally abused, even raped on several occasions by my then-husband. My daughter was a major handful.
After 34 years of abuse [18 growing up and 15 in my 1st marriage], I was desperate to escape. Because of a little help from my daughter using my Instant Messenger online while I was at work; I met Paul, my current husband, online in December 1997. Getting to know him for 6 months online and via some phone calls. I finally made my break on Friday, May 8th, 1998. I fled desperately to begin a new life. I went to Seattle where I connected with Paul.
I decided not to bring my daughter along because I had no idea what my fate would be by fleeing. I did not want to put her life in danger. Also, I didn’t realize that I was carrying mental baggage along. I went through a divorce with my husband.
Then, Paul and I got married on February 13th, 1999. I continued to struggle with the negative feedback loop for the next 14 years. For several years I sought counsel to overcome this. Somehow, it didn’t seem to be helping. I didn’t realize the seriousness of my sinful state until 2009. I was in misery. My marriage of 10 years felt like it was ending and my life too. I had hit rock bottom. I felt like my life had no purpose or hope.
In 2005, I was diagnosed with FMS (Fibromyalgia). I was living a victim’s life. Late one night in August 2009 God miraculously healed my FMS, our marriage, and gave me new purpose and hope. Everything changed that night. I was a caged bird set free! For several months we attended counseling with a Christian Counselor who shed light on things. For as long as I could remember I felt that I was a Child of God. In 2010, I hit another low point with a motorcycle accident. For the next 1 1/2 years I struggled.
Finally, I was recovering. But, something else was amiss… From 2011-2012 I struggled with different health issues that seemed mysterious to me. God pointed out to me that I needed to make changes in some vitamins/minerals/herbals I was taking because my body wasn’t healing properly. So, I made those changes. During that year, Paul had become disenchanted with me and our marriage… God also pointed this out to me. In November 2012, Paul and I started working out and I began a mind transformation process. God used this to do some amazing things in our marriage and bring us back together. Since October 2012 God has been working on changing my negative to positive. HE has been growing our marriage closer. HE’S doing amazing things in our lives. HE recovered me and I have a repaired faith in HIM.
God loves me so much that He fought for me.